Lately, I've been realizing something important about life, God, and myself. It's kind of hard to explain, so bear with me.
I've come to a place in my life where I don't want to care about anything except my Heavenly Father and what He wants me to do. It sounds simple, and, really, it is. The world tries to get in the way, though, and it has a way of distracting us without us even noticing.
Picture this: You feel fine. Life is going exactly the way you want it to go. Everything's seemingly perfect and then, suddenly, you realize that you don't want to be happy anymore, because happiness isn't as great as it seemed from so far away. You realize you're still lacking something, even after all the trouble you went through trying to get what you have in the first place.
Isn't that sort of disappointing?
So, naturally, you do one of two things. You either (1), give up. It's easy, it involves no effort at all, and you don't need to care anymore. Or, you do 2, which is basically going out and looking for something to fill the void in your life.
This might sound terribly upsetting, and hopefully it won't crush your dreams, but you will never, ever find that thing that fills the void in your life. Never. Ever.
It might fill the emptiness for a while, but eventually, just like with everything else, you'll realize that your happiness isn't all it was cracked up to be. So you start searching again.
At this point, it's an endless circle and you keep going around and around, because you believe that, maybe, someday, you'll find exactly what it was you were looking for, even though you have no idea what that was.
"Love" will come and go, as will dreams. People will come for a season, and some even for a lifetime, but they won't fill the emptiness in your life. Stuff won't, people can't, and you'll probably still go dancing in circles like you'll actually find something.
But lately, I've realized that there's nothing you can find, at all, unless you look in the last place you ever expected: Inside of yourself.
There. You see it. You want to laugh and cry and scream and shout, because you were so silly. You literally spent all that time searching for something that had been with you the whole time. Your emptiness flies away, just like a butterfly on a spring day, and then you're okay. You're not happy anymore, for that's overrated.
Happiness is something people want, and often find, but they don't like it once they have it. A lot of things, a lot of people, will make you happy, but they don't seem to matter anymore. Your happiness is now replaced with joy -- unspeakable, unbreakable, everlasting joy. And you love it.
It's like being a kid on Christmas, getting the greatest present anyone could ever get: Even simply holding the box in your hands -- the box wrapped up in gorgeous, sparkling paper -- you feel like you're on top of the world. You feel like you're so loved, so accepted, so totally amazing, because someone cared enough to give you that gift. Just the wrapping is perfect, so imagine the gift itself.
Finally, you've found what it was you'd been searching for. You've found that it was inside of you all along, and that, ironically, it had nothing to do with you. It was Someone who loved you and cared enough about you, to bless your heart, life, mind, and spirit with the gift of Himself. He's been there all along, and yet you had searched the world, knowing you would never find true joy there.
He doesn't mind, though. He isn't angry. And that's the cool part. Even after all this time, after watching you search endlessly, He still smiles at you so lovingly, and reaches out His arms, pulling you into the warmest hug you will ever get. His warmth, His radiance, His life, you can feel it all, even in such a simple hug. He isn't angry. He's Papa. He loves you, no matter what you might do.
And in that moment -- in that beautiful, blissful, amazing moment -- you feel completely different. You forget about everything bad you've ever done, you forget the things people have done to you, and your forget every insecurity you've ever had, and just . . . stay there, in that moment, in His arms. You're safe. You're okay. You're loved.
You finally understand something that had once been so complicated. You finally realize the simplicity of love, of life. You are able to grasp what real acceptance is. You're able to comprehend that worldly happiness, and worldly "love," will get you no where. You know now what true love is. You know now you have a Father who will always, always love you, with an unconditional Love.
Take a moment. Be thankful, be excited, be blessed, be at peace, be absolutely crazy, and just enjoy Papa's love, because it's always been here. It never left and it never will.
My doors, that were so tightly closed, keeping me locked away, are open now. There's a light shining in -- a light so beautiful that even words cannot describe. It's filling up the room, leaving not even a speck of darkness, loneliness, or any other worldly thing. The light is engulfing me, engulfing you, and it's now surrounding our hearts, our lives.
Our Papa is calling. It's time to run into His arms.
